ArYa OS || Breathe || Beyhadh | Maya | Arjun

My wrist fell limp against my torso. The numbness was setting in. Soon I would lose all sensation and then it would all be over. What an easy way to go. In a few minutes, I would be rid of myself. My lips smiled. My spirit was smiling. I had never felt as content as I did in those last dying moments.

My mother hadn't been lying. His blood was running through my veins. And now it was all escaping. I was becoming pure. My eyes lowered to my bleeding wrist. With each drop that left my body I felt myself becoming free. I was no longer bound. I was no longer stuck in the past. I had no past. I had no present. And soon I would have no future. I would try again in my next life, if such a thing existed.

It's not an exaggeration when they say that your life flashes before your eyes in your last moments. I saw my entire existence - from my childhood to now. I saw the brutality of my father. I saw how he hurt my mother time and time again. Most of all I saw darkness. And somehow, for the first time in my life, the dark was calming rather than terrifying. It was inviting me into its waiting arms assuring me that my days of pain were over. All I had to do was let go.

"MAYA," I heard the fervent voice of my mother. Through my delirium I could make out only her loud sobs and the one word she seemed to be repeating: sorry. I wanted to tell her that it was okay - that it wasn't her fault - that I was doing this for me. I couldn't live with having his blood tarnishing my body. I felt impure...dirty. And this was the only way to wash it away.

I smiled, reaching towards my mother. "Maa, can you sing me your lullaby? Like you used to do when I was young?" She pulled me into her arms, her voice becoming frantic. "Please Maya, you can't leave me. Please stay with me. You need help sweetheart. Let me help you" she begged. Maybe she was right. Maybe a doctor could have helped. But there is a difference between existing and living. Even if I survived today, what would I live for tomorrow? If I died, my mother would be free. And I loved my mother limitlessly. I pulled my mother close, with the last ounce of strength I had left and then closed my eyes, defeated.

The darkness I was anticipating never came. Instead I felt two strong arms under my body, scooping me up. The ease with which he lifted me terrified me. I felt weightless. My eyes were closed. I didn't have the energy to open them, but I was scared. I was scared that the man lifting me may have been my father. Was it him? Was he carrying me? Carrying me where? Where was he taking me? I pushed against his torso, groaning. "Let...me go" I mumbled. "Go"

But his grip only tightened. "Maya, stay with me Maya." I winced. I knew that voice. It was so familiar. But my mind couldn't pinpoint it. I couldn't keep track of anything anymore. Everything was dwindling. My head felt heavy. I wouldn't be able to keep this up for long. But who was he? I needed to know. "Arjun," I heard my mother whisper. "We need to take her to the hospital. Please. I don't...I don't know what to do Arjun. I'm terrified, I can't lose her. Oh god, please"

It was Arjun. I felt a sense of relief come over me. Not my father...Arjun, the man who had made my life into an annoying hell these past few weeks - the kind of hell I had secretly come to love. My lips turned upwards in a half smile. "Arjun..." I murmured. "You're here."  I wasn't sure if it was my delirium or Arjun's words, but I heard him murmur, "Where else would I be, Maya?"

And it was as if my heart had been lit up like a thousand watt lightbulb. "Don't you dare leave," I heard him add. "Your mother needs you. The company needs you. I..."

I was waiting for the end of a sentence that never came. I felt myself being placed into the backseat of my car. My mother sat beside me, pressing her sari to my cut wrist. Arjun was talking. He was trying to keep me awake. "Maya, I'm sorry Maya. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done that has hurt your or scared you. I promise I never meant any of it. I don't know what's going on in your life but please Maya, you deserve so much more than this."

His words were really the only thing that kept me awake...that kept me from giving in. For some reason, my ears craved to hear what he had to say. "You know something?" he said, turning his eyes towards me to make sure I was still listening. "You're the strongest woman I know Maya. And I can't see you like this. It doesn't fit. I don't like it. Whatever is bothering you...it's not worth your life Maya. Your life is worth so much more and I want you to realize this. You need to stay with us Maya. Fight for your life. If not for yourself, do it for the people that care about you."

"No one cares"
The reply was automatic - something that my mind repeated to me non-stop every endless minute of every endless day. "Dammit Maya," I heard him swear under his breath. I heard him hit his palm against the steering wheel in frustration. "I CARE." He shouted. "I care about you Maya. I do. You're different. And I want to be your friend. I want to be there for you. But I can't help you if you don't let me in. Let me care for you Maya. Let me be your friend. Trust me."

It was as if a thousand pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In all my life, no one had ever said such things to me. No one had asked me to let them in. No one had wanted to be there for me. Love hurts. Friendship hurts. They were the two life lessons I'd learned the hard way. And now he wanted me to let him in. He was a complete stranger. Someone I'd known for just a few weeks. An employee at my office. But he was also my savior. He was also here, in the middle of the night, comforting my mother and taking care of me. He was also the one who brought out sides of me that even I never knew existed. He was also the one who climbed up 15 storeys and then back down them just to apologize to me. He was also the only one who was actually trying to understand me...trying to be there for me in a way that no one else ever had. What was the harm in letting him in? What was the harm in trusting? Love hurts. My mind whispered. But I wouldn't love him. It wouldn't come to that. By trusting, you open the doors to love.

But the arguments I was having against myself were silenced when I heard Arjun's voice. "I need you Maya."

And there I had it - a reason to live. A small, but possibly significant reason to breathe. 

END

Writer: .TouchMyHeart