KesGul OS : Woh Haseen Dastan | Gulal | Neil Bhatt | Mansi Parekh

 

It was the night before Kesar and Tallie's wedding.  Gulaal was in her room sitting in front of the dressing table as per her nightly ritual, slowly removing her each piece of her jewellery, her churies, her tilak, her earrings but tonight she was completely lost in her thoughts.   As she reached for her makeup removing cream she saw herself in the mirror but couldn't meet her own eyes. Why can't I look at myself?  She forced herself to look back into her own eyes and watched as tears started falling down her cheeks.  She wiped at them in denial.  Why am I crying? I have no reason to cry. I am happy!  I got what I wanted..didn't I?  Kesar is marrying Tallie.  Before she could finish that thought she completely lost it.  She could no longer keep it together she covered her face with her hands and started sobbing uncontrollably.   Why am I feeling this sense of loss? Why does my heart feel like it has been ripped out of my chest?  What is wrong with me?

Kesar had spent the evening with friends to celebrate the night before his wedding.  All the drinking, smoking, joking couldn't take away his heartache.  Nothing could dull the pain of rejection.  As his footsteps slowed outside Gulaal's room he felt like his chest was ripped open.  Despite of that he realized that he couldn't stay away from her any longer, he needed to see her one more time and say goodbye.  He needed her to help him understand why she couldn't love him.  He couldn't start his life with Tallie without some sort understanding why his love wasn't enough for her when it was everything to him.
 
Was it a sudden gust of wind that forced the double doors to swing open or did he push them when he heard a sob from inside.  He saw Gulaal sitting in front of the dressing table with her head down on the table.  Her shoulders were shaking silently as she cried profusely.  Kesar closed the door behind him and locked it against the force of the wind.  He stood there silently watching her cry and felt tears start to run down his face.  Her long hair was loose all around her and moved with each shuttering sob. 

He didn't know how long he stood there watching her do what he felt like doing.  Finally when he couldn't take it any more he went up to her and knelt down beside her and hesitating moved his hand to caress her hair.
"Gulaal."  His voice broke and he needed to swallow the huge lump in his throat before continuing. "Gulaal, please don't cry."  His voice breaking with each word.

"Gulaal, I can't take this'I can tolerate anything from you but not this!"  He tried to push her hair away from her face before whispering.  "Gulaal, please look at me."

When she still didn't acknowledge him and continued to cry like it was the end o the world, he pulled her up from the shoulder and said, "Gulaal.  Please stop."
 
Kesar gently tried to pry her hands away from her face.  "Gulaal.  Please Gulaal."  He said with a sob.  Finally he pulled her into his arms and whispered, "shush. Shhh!"

At first Gulaal held herself stiffly in Kesar's arms and continued to cry.  After what seemed like an age she just collapsed on his shoulder and clutched him in the desperation of a drowning woman.  Time stood still as they stood there  crying in each others arms.

It was Gulaal who came to first and pushed away from Kesar and said, "What are you doing here?"

Kesar went up to her and said, "I was walking by and heard you crying."

"Kesar, you shouldn't be here."

"Why were you crying, Gulaal?"

"Kesar, it's been a long day.  I am tired!  Tomorrow is.."

"Why don't you love me, Gulaal?"

"What are you talking about, of course I love you.  I have always loved you."

"Not like that!"

"Kesar, I don't know what you're saying.  You need to go."

"You loved  Vasant ba, then Dushyant ba but never me."

"Vasant was my husband.  I never loved Dushyantji."

"Am I so bad that all these years I couldn't make a place in your heart?"
 
"Kesar, you're wonderful but you're meant to be with.."

He moved closer to her so that they were almost touching, "there is always someone else but never me."

"K.."

"You're everything to me but why can't I be something to you?"

"Kesar, what are you talking about my world revolves around you." 

"it's not the same."

"The ten years you were at boarding school my world stood still until you came back.  I lived for the day you would come back."

"Then why did you do this?" 

"What did I do?"

"You've pushed me away from you."

"I haven't done that.  I am still here.."  Her voice choked on a sob.  She had pushed him away but it was for his own good.  He needed to grow up be with someone his own age and with the same interests, someone who could make him happy.  But why did it feel like she was losing him forever.  Why did she feel worse than when Vasant died?

"Gulaal, I don't want this...all I wanted...all I wanted was you...all I want is you."

"Kesar, that can't be."

"Yes, it can. "  Moving even closer to  Gulaal.

"N..no." Trying to take a step back.  Kesar pulled her back towards himself by her shoulders.

"I can't do it. Tomorrow.  I can't..."

"Kesar, you have to.  I am not for you."

"Then why do I feel stifled..like I can't breath.  Like I am slowly dieing inside."

Gulaal moved to caress his face.  "Kesar, don't talk like that.  I can't take it."  As fresh tears started falling down her cheeks.

"Then don't make me do it. I just can't take that final step away from you."   He moved his hands to gently wipe the tears off her face.  Both trying to collect their thoughts and secretly reveling in the close proximity to each other. 

"I will die if you cut me off from yourself."

"I am not."

"Gulaal, yes you are.  You have been doing it for months.  I thought I could do this but I can't take this final step away from you."  His voice was barely audible. By the end his words he rested his forehead on hers.  Gulaal took a deep calming breath because she too didn't know how she was going to survive his final step away from her.

"Gulaal" with that Kesar nuzzled his nose from where it touched hers and down her cheek to her neck to bury it in her hair.  Gulaal unconsciously moved her head back a bit and closed her eyes. 

"It's okay. We will be okay" not sure who she was reassuring.  She moved her arms around him and started patting his back.

"It will never be okay."  He brushed his lips on the small area behind her ear.  Her scent was intoxicated him into losing his senses.  

The light touch of his bottom lip on her skin made her legs almost fold under her.  She grasped onto him more tightly to stay on her feet.  Kesar graduated from bushes of the lips to light kisses which he trailed from the back of her ear to down her neck to up her cheek to her eyes, then down her other cheek to her neck to the back of the other ear.  With each kiss the intensity kept increasing till both were senseless with the acceleration of their feelings. Kesar stopped at her ear and whispered, "Gulaal."
 
"Gulaal, I love you so much. I am dead without you.  Please don't let me go."

Gulaal was lost in the tempest of her emotions.  Kesar's voice gave some solace in that storm.  He was like a lighthouse beacon on a foggy night.  And Gulaal needed what Kesar was offering.  She moved her face up towards him until their lips almost touching.  Kesar closed the gap.  The years of loneliness, despair and longing seem to evaporate as soon as their lips touched. They came together like two pieces of magnets.  All coherent thoughts were lost and primal instincts took over.  There was only room for great emotions like passion, desire, love. Kesar picked Gulaal up and carried her to the bed without letting go of her lips. 

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A few hours later when Kesar woke up, at first, he was disoriented and unsure of himself.  Then he felt an almost strange kind of excitement that he had never before experienced in his life.  For the first time in his life he felt that the black cloud, he had lived under for a decade, was finally gone.  He was happy, in fact he had a huge grin on his face.  He looked over to his right and there was Gulaal asleep on her stomach with the blanket pulled up to her waist.  Her hair was fanned wildly around her on the pillow.  It did nothing to hide her beautiful exposed back.  His elated expression went up several degrees.  He went down to place a kiss on the middle of her back.  Other than small twitch Gulaal didn't move.  Kesar smiled and got out of the bed and looked for his jeans among the clothes that were scattered all around the room.  That too made Kesar very happy.  He needed to go talk with Motabha immediately.  H was going to correct the mistake that he almost made.  Finally he knew which was the right path for him.  He looked back at the sleeping Gulaal and his grin was back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writer: Shelly