ZaBeer TS || The Fight || Zara | Kabeer | Ishq Subhan Allah

The Fight ~Part 1

Was it so serious a fight? He didn't know. Until he realized it was, when she went packing to her dad's house in pretext of caring for an ill father. They had these ideological clashes since the start. Not that they were unaware but may be he should have restrained from speaking such an indifferent and hurtful words. It wasn't disrespectful but sure it was mean to say her than he liked it when she just didn't talk about her ideologies or their life would be so much better had it been just about them discussing their mundane stuff or just being friendly playing and goofing around like they are now. She is really clever. She made it genuinely seem that she was really worried for her ill father recovering from a minor surgery. While she was, he knew that wasn't the only reason. He knew it. He was prude to apologize as if he was right about his ideologies. While he still thought he was, her last words before leaving the house sure pricked him inside

"Ek doosre ki nazariya ko izzat Dena bhi mohabbat hi hota hai Kabir. Mujhe laga tum thoda kache ho. Par pata nahi tha main galti Kar rahi thi" 

She was utterly disappointed that she was loved by him only if she was that Zara without her ideologies and principles. That doesn't comprise love for her? Does it? That meant he has never loved her for the Zara she has always been. May be he loved that begum Zara who showered love and trust in him without questioning or suggesting anything he did. Those things she had suggested had been out of her own will, never once he asked her opinion himself. She was too much blinded by the love for this man to realize this. 
In the recent turn of events there has been visible change in how he changed with her compared to rigid initial days. He had started to open up, be more comfortable, smile and laugh a little, may be try small pranks with her in the closet of their room. She felt he was falling in love. What she missed is that he still is that right person who would prefer to love a woman as a whole, only if she wouldn't clash with his ideologies. The moment he gets uncomfortable or defensive he stopped seeing things they had achieved as a whole and expressed his displeasure that he wasn't ready to accept this. This was not healthy, she thought. Perhaps they need some time off each other to introspect what they really want in this relationship to make it work. She can't keep clashing with him and choose to hurt her self respect at the cost of the love. 
She thought she figured out this man. But he seems to be never ending mystery. Perhaps she needs time alone to figure this thing out. 
She had successfully fought the urge to call him or message him for 50 th time of the day. He doesn't care, she thought with the pain. There had been no message or call from him ever since she left in the morning. Fighting tears of self pity, she moved to living room leaving the phone behind in the bedroom, to meet Reema. 
After a light dinner, he settled in his room for the day. Complete silence. No tinkling anklets, no fragrance of lillies, no endless meaningless banters, no freaky games of love. Absolute silence. As he sat staring at the drapes above the bed, his phone blinked. Excited that it may be her, he grabbed it up. No luck. It wasn't her. 
2 version of texting complexities ran in his mind; Maybe I should text her if she is doing fine? Or she couldn't even text me if she reached there and her father is doing fine?
Ok they may be at loggerheads but he needs to enquire about her father. That's the basic courtesy of a son-in-law. He convinced himself. 
The call was as disappointing as her abrupt departure after their fight. It is really silly of her to go to her parents house after there is a fight. He thought with a slight annoyance. Like the logical reasons be the last thought in his mind, his mind was torn between the prejudice as well thoughts of missing her equally. 
Her last ideology clash sure strained his sensitive nerve a little which caused him to spurt more than necessary bitterness at her. But she brought that upon them. She spoke as if her intrepretation of holy Quran was the best. As if woman are being deprived of any opportunity as mentioned in holy Quran. She didn't think his old fashioned debate made sense. There is a reason women weren't allowed to pray in masjid. But no, she would bring facts of quran with every annecdote and argue with him till he had flared at her. What is she made of? She can rile him up like no one, but she can also calm him down like no one. Just days back rukshar conspiracy finally settled. And things were back to being bloomy and beautiful between them. No she had to get this heated argument at this time.
Lost in thoughts with a half drafted text message, Kabir sat still. After about an hour long inner monologues, he dialed up her number. 
There was a sober tone. He enquired everyone's well being, her father's recovery. There was a nudging question in the mind to ask when she is planning to return. But that would make him seem too desperate, his pride argued in his mind. From the likes of her conversational tone, she was pissed off. Like really really pissed off.
The call ended in abrupt 2 mins.

Writer: Karmic World

The Fight ~ Part 2

One, two .. days passed .. still not even a message from her!
As long as his ideologies are being worshipped, she being not there or there wouldn't matter an inch to him, thought Zara! Though he had acknowledged that he is in love, she'd always remain a second priority compared to his principles and ideas, pained thoughts crossed her mind
Her mohabbat would just take a back seat if it were for her ideologies, he had an agonizing thought. Thoughts of their private nikaah flashed vividly, in his mind.
Her face was sparkling and eyes twinkling as if they'd compete with the stars. As they sat enchanted, lost in each others eyes, in a surreal magnetic charisma, she uttered those magical words with heart brimming in love
"Qubool hai"
He was staring at the empty skies. Why does he have to be in a position to choose between two most important things in his life. His usool is as important to him as her. But when did she silently crept up to the most discreet place, he didn't know. Before he was aware, she was the integral part of his life as much as his Ibaadat and Usool. He hated situations in which he'd to choose one over another. As much as he ignored, avoided or side stepped such situations, his wife being the inquisitive one somehow props up such situations. Her opinions are perhaps right, from a woman's POV. But he refused to believe that his old-school principles and beliefs are irrelevant, either. May be it's tough to follow in these modern times, but one must have conviction to do that. Perhaps she could demonstrate a little understanding on the part that she is gonna coexist with his usool and nazariya and not try to prove him wrong or feel the need to change him, always. But is he ready to lose.her for the principles which formed the very foundation of his entire life, he wasnt sure. Kabir Ahmed would have been so.sure of it months back. But now, he has involuntarily got used with her presence and the love, that's something he can't negotiate even when he was forced to divorce her at gun point. 
He turned towards her side of bed and traced her side with his hands. 
" Tumhe aise nahi karna chahiye tha. Tumhaari jalbaazi aur zid ko iss baar main jeethne nahi doonga. Chahe uskeliye kitna kuch sehna pade" he swore in his mind. But no matter what, he couldn't prevent an innate feeling of emptiness. 
He had been looking forward to celebrating this eid with her, alot. So was she. But never did they expect things would take an awry turn. 
She was lying down with a heavy heart and a disturbed mind. Has she done the right thing? Her conscience stayed clear she did. But why would Kabir treat her this way for that? Can't he understand that she fought for the right things, always? So all that mohabbat was subject to terms and conditions unlike hers. While they fought for the opposite parties, she never let that cloud her relationship Dynamics. She never got angry on him as a wife. But for him, it's one and the same. He can't see her as a board member and a wife separately. She never wronged him as a wife. But still he had to hurl those hurtful words. Tears escaped her eyes thinking about how she had been foolish to even think about unrequited love. Theirs had been a political marriage and will always remain one, she thought with a bitter mind!!
Unable to sleep after tossing and turning for almost 4 hours, he pulled her pillow closer. It had the distinct smell of the "iktar". Oddly comforting enough, he held the pillow closer to him and snuggled into sleep. 
Still 2 more days passed, except for his brief meeting with her at the shariah board, he never got to hear anything from her. Even in the board, she refrained from talking to him. At the end of the meeting, their refreshments sponsored from one of the member had arrived. He had silently passed it to her through one of them. It was her favourite food, he knew. When she relished it with slightly excited face, he had a slight smile on his face. 
Dark clouds had already formed when they were about to leave. He walked up to the car with stolen glances at her. She was very careful in avoiding him. Realizing that she is ignoring him, his heart twitched a little. It had started to rain. She was standing under the canopy waiting to catch an auto while he watched all this drama clutching the steering wheel, restlessly. His ego wouldn't let him go and offer to help, but the frantic romantic heart wouldn't stop falling in awe of the droplets of rain in her face. His hands wanted to trace the droplets in their own pattern and may be pull her closer by waist and may be stare at her lusicous lips and may be smell her hair and may be.. Kabir squeezed his eyes. He is crazy!!! 
She was well aware he had been waiting in his car. Somehow her heart jumped thinking it was because of her, but lingering hurt applied much necessary caution. She wanted to get a Rick and move out of this place before getting vulnerable at her weakening self. 
Getting more frantic with every passing minute, he finally stopped his car beside her offering to drop her at her home. She had no other choice since the rains we're getting stronger and her abbu had called her thrice already. Throughout the ride, there was a controlled heavy silence. As he dropped her home, she thanked him and asked him to come in as a courtesy. When he refused with a bleak response, she never bothered to insist but simply walked away. 
He let out a deep sigh, as he watched her walk away as if he mattered no more. This started to hurt more than he thought. The pain of being ignored after being showered unrequited love was too much for him to bear. He thought he was fighting her in this case, it now seemed he is fighting his own self more!!!

Zara wondered at the late night message from him!!
How come he is awake and more so concerned enough to send her a message? A skeptical thought crossed her mind.
It was a picture.
The picture of him feeding her favourite pigeon that regularly visited their patio space. 
"Tumhe doondh Raha tha"
A glittering smile adorned her face!!
***



Fight ~ Conclusion


She shouldn't ve done it! His heart rattled restlessly!  

Whatever be, she shouldn't have testified against him! She could've avoided just like his ammi did. If she thought this relationship was any better than her individual achievement, she could've found alternatives. But she didn't. Shariah board isn't going to compel anyone to testify. She came out of her own accord. She could be Qazi's daughter but she is his wife, before all that.

The fact that Zara considered her duties and priorities vested to society in fighting deep rooted principles of the society more than him or her marriage only proved one single thing. He never mattered to her. If there was a choice between him and her nazariya, she chose the principles, he thought with a bitterness. What he missed was that if he was in her place, he might have done the same thing, for him his usool and mazab are the prime reasons which he weaved his life around with. 

This relationship has no future, he thought with contempt. There has been a constant clash of nazariya's right from the beginning of their marriage. In fact they were well aware theirs was a political one for various reasons. But the in between period has been so good and transformative, that they had forgotten the primary reason why this marriage was arranged in the first place and they were trailing in the valley of love and adulation for each other binded by their feelings for one another.

But now, the fog has lifted, the reality came biting in it's harsh form. Kabir realized the truth that this marriage is going to remain like this no matter how much they are going to stay in a make believe state that they are also a couple in love. Their marriage was a forced one, the one between a diabolical opposites and also between the ones who are very strong headed when it came to their principles, rules and interpretations of Islam. 

Islam!

It's their biggest similarity yet the biggest difference! The interpretations of "The holy Quran" and "Allah's" rasool are going to be the  foundation yet the biggest point of conflict between them. Being individuals brought up in these deep rooted ideologies and religious perspectives, none of them were willing to compromise on that. Even at the  cost of their own marriage

Should they consider separation? He thought! But he isn't any spineless coward to use the "Triple talaq" as his ultimate weapon against Zara. That he considered as against Allah and his rasool. A talaq isn't easy. It isn't easy for the individuals as much as the family which united them in the first place for their own political reasons. The implications of the talaq in his family would be bad since no one had ever taken the talaaq route in his family no matter how big the difference of opinions are. Their family has a rich heritage and he was sure Zara's family had such reputations too. Her father being the Qazi of  Lucknow sure had earned a very good reputation. It isn't a proud one to consider in his family too. Moreover it took two to marry, so divorce is also an amicable decision between 2 individuals. He can't decide for both of them.

On top of all  that, he himself wasn't sure if could deal with a permanent seperation from her. The proceedings of the day sure left a bad taste in his mouth as far their relationship dynamics are considered.  But that doesn't mean he isn't human. His heart can't erase the lovable memories etched in time and move on. The emotional implications of a permanent seperation is too much to handle at this point. Perhaps he should just rest it and deal with this in a different way.

***

Kabir stormed into Zara's house. Everyone of their household were present in  the living room and he hesitated for the moment. He couldn't help but feel frustrated yet a little happy the way her face bloomed on seeing him in her house. Her face is like any mirror. Clearly anticipation running high, she looked at him with all the hope and love that she could probably nurture in her heart.

For instance Kabir thought if she was the same person who testified hours before against him. How can a person stay cold and warm towards the one they love? Isn't love supposed to be impulsive one that messed with the feelings and rationale. If that isn't what kind of love is that? Is that a love of compulsion or a convenience? Not wanting to think on either of that lines, he sought privacy to clear things with her.

While in her room, Zara hugged him immediately, asking him for forgiveness for testifying against him. He distanced her a little. Her eyes glistening in moisture, reflected the disappointment and hope together. Unable to handle the sheer volume of intensity of having to lend more disappointment, he turned away but started in a clear tone

"Zara jo kuch bhi hua, wo hum sudhar nahi sakthe. Par mujhe bahut dukh hai ki, iss masle ki wajah se tune humhaari rishthe ko nazar andaaz ki. Jo wada tune shariah board mein ki, humhaari rishthe ke liye, wo wada nahi nibhah paayi. Humhaari rishthe hi aise hai. Humhaari aur tumhaari nazariya kabhi mil nahi sakthi par abhi tak uski bhoj itna bhari nahi thi. Aaj sabki saamne humhaara rishtha ek tamaasha ban gaya, sirf aur sirf humhaari nazariya ki tashan ki wajah se. Kabhi kabhi main sochtha hoon, ki kya humhe iske aage saath mein rehna chahiye? Par talaq humhaari dono families ki upar bahut bhari pad sakthi hai. Toh, jo nikaah humhe humhaari khandaan ke liye kiye hai, wo aise hi rehne dete. Bas humse aur kuch umeed nahi tumse. Humhaari marriage ek contract hai. Contracts mein jasbaat nahi hote. Toh maine faisla liya hai ki, tum humhaari saath aao aur jaise humhe contract sign kiya poore duniya ki saamne, wo nikaah ki contract, uski hisaab se tum humhaari ghar mein bahu banke jeeyo aur jo tumhe sahi lage, pasand lage, karo. Bas ghar aur gharwalon ki izzat aur jazbaat ko dyaan rakho. Par iske aage iss nikaah ki aur wajah nahi hai aur hum tumse kuch aur expectations nahi rakhenge. Hum partners hai. Toh batao, kya meri decision tumhe Qubool hai?"

Silent long tears slid down her cheeks and fell on the floor. Back in her mind she knew the implications of testifying against him. He was emotional and impulsive, she knew him pretty well. She being the one who feared the implications of issue on their relationship while demanding a promise from him, it was pretty unfortunate that fate took such a bad turn and she was stuck in a position to break it herself. Somewhere in her mind, she knew that she broke that delicate pieces of the relationship over the nest of love but situations were equally trying.

Perhaps he was right with this decision. She couldn't keep the promise of their relationship, neither she could prove to be a good wife with this issue which had spiralled beyond her control. But she is fighting for a greater good and somewhere in her heart she knew that "Allah" is by her side. By the almighty's powers, Zara prayed she be granted one more opportunity to build that broken trust and relationship in both of their hearts.+

"Qubool Hai"

Her voice echoed low from the broken tresses of her heart!